Cute Baby = No Sex

Q: "We recently had our first baby and my husband and I are totally enjoying her, but our sex life has suffered since her birth 6 months ago. Because so much happened "down there" I fear that he doesn't see my body in the same way. I am tired all of the time and not that interested in sex anyway. We seem to both feel under appreciated for all that we do and get into fights about who does more. Is there hope for our intimate relationship?"
-W

A: Yes! There IS hope for regaining an intimate connection, but it will take some commitment and a willingness to change. Though the birth of a child is a wonderful life event, it can be a "trauma" to the marriage. Because the little bundle of joy's needs are immediate, it's easy to put hubby's needs (and your own) on the back burner and resentment can build up quickly. Here are some things that you can do right now to work toward repairing your intimate relationship:

1) Bow out of the power struggles! For one week focus on letting him be "right" about the fact that he does more. Show extra appreciation and express daily gratitude for how hard he works for your family.
2) Build "couple time" into your schedule. I know it doesn't sound spontaneous...but give it a try. We schedule in other appointments, why not schedule alone time. Have a weekly time set aside for each other with a babysitter set up on a regular basis - even if it's for an hour or 2!
3) Talk about things other than baby. Frequently, new parent's conversations revolve around Binkys, blankets, and burps, forgetting their former life and relationship. Talk about your marriage, your feelings, your thoughts, your interests, on a regular basis so you continue to see one another as people, and as lovers....not just "mommy & daddy".
4) Go talk to someone. The best gift you can give your child is a solid marriage. If you feel stuck and unable to talk through this transition, get need outside help. Call a therapist or counselor to help you through this transition and regain the passion you once had.

What helped you maintain your love life after baby? Feel free to post a comment.

So True...

Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.

Carl Jung
1875-1961, Swiss Psychiatrist
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Mirror Mirror...Body Image & Your Daughter

Q: Here's a recent question from a concerned mom: "My daughters have different body types - one thin and one with the potential to be chubby. How do I help them feel good about themselves and teach them good body habits? "

A: The best place to start is to ask yourself why you are concerned about your daughters differing body types. For many moms, its difficult to separate our own body issues, and our success as mom, from our children's appearance, success, popularity, etc. If you find that your own insecurities are being triggered, do your own work. Focusing on what our bodies can DO instead of how they APPEAR is another important part of helping girls develop healthy body image. I call this "Instrument" vs. "Ornament". In our society, men and boys tend to value what their bodies can do, more than women do. Making comments that illuminate the wonder of bodies can help them start seeing their bodies as powerful and strong. Avoid comparing your girls or labeling them by comments & questions ("you're so skinny", "are you sure you want to eat that?"), and teach them by how you treat yourself, that they deserve to nourish and nurture all parts of themselves, including their bodies.